I Don't Want to Grow Up.

Last night I was sitting in the Hospital Rec. room watching an old Hindi Film with the watchman and all the sudden my mind wanderd back to when I was little. I started to think about the Christmas' at my Grandparents house in Minnesota with the whole family, the smell is one of the things I remember the best but I can't discribe it, I just remember feeling safe. I always loved going to Minnesota and playing in the snow and sitting by the fire place waiting to open presents. Life is good when youre young, no real responsibilities and no real worries. The day I turned 20 the only thing I wanted to do was cry, which sounds silly, but that was the first day I really realized I was grown up. I had a job and lived in an apartment in Chicago and life wasn't as easy anymore. I had to buy and cook my own food, do my own laundry, and I would say do my own dishes but my roommates usually ended up doing them... they are very nice people. I felt stupid because usually people are so excited to be on their own, but I didn't feel ready, I'm only 20. I'm only 20 and here I am in the middle of India working at an AIDS clinic... how did I get here is a question that keeps going through my head. If you would of asked me what do you think you'll be doing when youre twenty I would of said College and as much as we want to think that we're independant in College its not true. Most people are getting money from their parents because its too hard to work and go to school. College is an inbetween point in life, you aren't completely dependant on your parents but you aren't independant yet.
Here in India I am independent, but luckly I'm a Christian so I've really just moved from going to my parents for help to going to God. When I look at my life over the past 7 years I can tell that everything has been getting me ready for this, the things I've learned have helped me a ton while being here. I've noticed how well my parents have brought me up becuase when I see other people doing things I think, I'm so glad my parents taught me not to do that because thats awfly stupid.
Here God is really the only constant thing, I have friends that are on staff that I hang out with when they're here but when there not working I have patients and the girls I live with, both change every 2 to 5 week, so inconsitancy is my life. But I feel like God has made me to thrive with an inconsitant life, when things become to consitant I'm not as good, I get bored and then don't work as hard, I think this is one of the biggest problems I have with school, how unchanging it is. I get bored and I stop doing the work. I'll have to work on that if I got back to school :).
This morning I went to the hospital and found that the nurse on duty wasn't coming for another hour and some of the patients were suppose to get IV fluid and injections while I was there so I decided I would do it by myself, this is always a stupid thought of mine, that I can just do something by myself. So I then decided to go ask the nurse on duty if I could just do it and he said yes so today I got to be a real nurse. I looked at the charts, saw what they needed, and then gave it to them, only running into a little trouble. It felt good to finally be able to do most of it by myself, although I still dont know all the medicines so I'll have to wait for that, but being here and actually doing it is so much better than being in school, but of course they want me to get a degree before really doing anything so I'll have to leave. Well its now time for lunch so I must go but I hope everything is going well in the States and if I get this package hopefully I can call some of you :).

Love and miss you all!!