That was close...

So today was inspection day, meaning a doctor from the government comes and tells you what you are doing wrong. We had be preparing for this for the past two weeks and since he only comes once every 4 months we had 4 months of paper work to make sure was complete. Over the past three days Richardson, Ramesh, and I wrote over 200 address of patients in a book and completed a lot of pending charts. I cant say that I've eaten a whole lot this week because I've been at the hosptial, adding that I've been sick this hasn't been the funnest week. Although I love Ramesh and Richardson so that makes it a little bit easier. So he came and looked around, went through files, and then did rounds and all together it took about 7 hours, luckly I got to be with the patients instead of listening to the Inspector.
Something fun that is going on this week is Cricket. Australlia vs. India and man do they get excited over cricket, but now that I know how its played I think its pretty amazing too. I wish we had cricket instead of baseball. Actually right now they are playing and I believe that Australlia is going to win, but India is ahead in games won so it doesn't matter too much.
Something not so fun that happened today was me almost killing a patient...
This morning I was hooking up some ciplox iv and giving a voveron inj. and I though that voveron was Iv/Im when really it was strictly IM. I was just about to push it through the veinflow when Ramesh said wait what is that. I said voveron and he said you almost just killed the patient. Needless to say I didn't kill the patient but the patient does not trust me anymore and I dont blame him. I am definatly going to make sure I ask whether its IV or Im next time.
This afternoon I was sitting with Laxmi, one of my favorites who probably wont make it much longer, and all the sudden she showed me her veinflow was ripped out and there was blood going down her arm. I instinctively grabed to stop the bleeding forgetting that she had AIDS. So I got her blood on my hand and when I realized I ran to the sink to wash it off and used surgical scrub then put gloves on and went and stopped the bleeding. I know you might think its not that big of a deal, but I have open bug bits all over my arms from mosquittos so if her blood would of gotten in they hospital would of been a little caotic. Luckly it didn't. Pray for her if you have the time, she has severe jaundice, billiumin of 9.56 and it can't get much higher than 10 until you die.
I also found out that Sushila and Mukesh, they are from my earlier posts, they died last month in there house, so that was pretty sad.
All in all I am still loving it here, the people are amazing and I am celebrating a Hindu festival with my Indian family on monday which will be great. One of my big prayers to God is that I'll never be put in a position where I'll be worshiping another god. I always make sure to pray more when I am having communtity with Hindu's in the way of celebrating one of their festivals.
Well now i have to go and watch some Cricket, give some inj., do some paper work and try and get to bed before 11.
Goodnight,
I miss you all!

Gravity

Its common knowledge that everything that goes up must come back down, its called gravity. Gravity is what I beleive I am experiencing in my life, the euphoria of being in a new place and doing something different is now waring off and I am left with reality. Today one of the male nurses, Ramesh, said that I was starting to look more Indian, not becuase I am getting tanner becuause I'm not and not because I'm wearing Indian clothes, because I rarely do, he said this because I wasn't as happy as I usually am. Usually I am always laughing and smiling but today I am tired and my spirit seems heavier than usual. Ever since Kashappa died things move a little bit slower, being carefree in India isn't exactly the easiest thing to do. I've been having more trouble sleeping, but I believe that even though its good to be happy there are certain times in life when God takes you though the valleys. I absolutly love it here still and I can't imagine being anywhere else, but I think I'm at the part of my journey where God is showing me his pain, He's giving me a small taste of what he feels and as painful as it is, I am so glad He's doing it.
I go over to my friends house every night for Kannada lessons which is something that makes life a little easier. Its weird how well I fit in with them, there are four girls that are sisters, Laxmi, Ranuka, Sujeta, and Divya. Their oldest sister was killed by her husband and her sister in law but no action was taken against the husband because their parents were cousins. Three years later their father died from the grief of loosing his daughter, I can't imagine choosing someone for your child to marry and then ending up having her be murdered by that person. When they told me all of this all I could really say was wow and that I could even begin to imagine how hard that would be. Being with them is like being home again because two are younger than me and two are older around the same ages as my sisters. Somedays being with them keeps me sane, they are also all Hindu so I have learned a lot about that culture and religion.
I also found out this week that one of my friends here, Dr. Sheeba, was gone for three days because her husband beat her with a stick on her leg so she couldn't walk because it was too painful. That fact that they are christians makes it even harder. This is one of the reasons I have had trouble sleeping.
I can understand the comment that I look more Indian because I'm not as happy because life is so hard for people here. After Ramesh said this I decided that was my cue to go home and pray because I am suppose to show joy through the pain, even when life gets so hard and I feel like just laying down and sleeping, I should still bring the joy of the Lord to these people because there is still hope through the pain.
On a lighter note I am now alone in my house for the next two weeks because the two swedish girls left and another one doesnt come until the 4th of November. The fact that november is next week scares me becuase that means I only have a month left here and then I go to Hong Kong and Bombay! And my mother comes next saturday which will be great! I hope that everyone is doing well and that you get to see God working in your life daily!

Prayer Request

That this sickness will leave me, I slept all day yesterday and now just have the leftovers of sickness in me.
For the Patients, that I would show the love of Christ to them and that they would be healed
For the Staff, that they would find joy in their work and that they would lean on the Lord.
That God would bless the Patil family

I miss you and love you all!

I Don't Want to Grow Up.

Last night I was sitting in the Hospital Rec. room watching an old Hindi Film with the watchman and all the sudden my mind wanderd back to when I was little. I started to think about the Christmas' at my Grandparents house in Minnesota with the whole family, the smell is one of the things I remember the best but I can't discribe it, I just remember feeling safe. I always loved going to Minnesota and playing in the snow and sitting by the fire place waiting to open presents. Life is good when youre young, no real responsibilities and no real worries. The day I turned 20 the only thing I wanted to do was cry, which sounds silly, but that was the first day I really realized I was grown up. I had a job and lived in an apartment in Chicago and life wasn't as easy anymore. I had to buy and cook my own food, do my own laundry, and I would say do my own dishes but my roommates usually ended up doing them... they are very nice people. I felt stupid because usually people are so excited to be on their own, but I didn't feel ready, I'm only 20. I'm only 20 and here I am in the middle of India working at an AIDS clinic... how did I get here is a question that keeps going through my head. If you would of asked me what do you think you'll be doing when youre twenty I would of said College and as much as we want to think that we're independant in College its not true. Most people are getting money from their parents because its too hard to work and go to school. College is an inbetween point in life, you aren't completely dependant on your parents but you aren't independant yet.
Here in India I am independent, but luckly I'm a Christian so I've really just moved from going to my parents for help to going to God. When I look at my life over the past 7 years I can tell that everything has been getting me ready for this, the things I've learned have helped me a ton while being here. I've noticed how well my parents have brought me up becuase when I see other people doing things I think, I'm so glad my parents taught me not to do that because thats awfly stupid.
Here God is really the only constant thing, I have friends that are on staff that I hang out with when they're here but when there not working I have patients and the girls I live with, both change every 2 to 5 week, so inconsitancy is my life. But I feel like God has made me to thrive with an inconsitant life, when things become to consitant I'm not as good, I get bored and then don't work as hard, I think this is one of the biggest problems I have with school, how unchanging it is. I get bored and I stop doing the work. I'll have to work on that if I got back to school :).
This morning I went to the hospital and found that the nurse on duty wasn't coming for another hour and some of the patients were suppose to get IV fluid and injections while I was there so I decided I would do it by myself, this is always a stupid thought of mine, that I can just do something by myself. So I then decided to go ask the nurse on duty if I could just do it and he said yes so today I got to be a real nurse. I looked at the charts, saw what they needed, and then gave it to them, only running into a little trouble. It felt good to finally be able to do most of it by myself, although I still dont know all the medicines so I'll have to wait for that, but being here and actually doing it is so much better than being in school, but of course they want me to get a degree before really doing anything so I'll have to leave. Well its now time for lunch so I must go but I hope everything is going well in the States and if I get this package hopefully I can call some of you :).

Love and miss you all!!

Bug bite... stop itching...

I must say you know you've been in India a while when you dont care if theres a spider on you and you burp out loud without thinking. I have been in India over a month now and I can't say I've ever loved somewhere so much. I wish I could say I missed people back home and to an extent I do, dont worry, but its hard to miss back home when where I am is so amazing. I work like crazy but I dont even consider it work because its so fun, I even like charting now. I am in love with the girls in the female ward right now, I spend most nights talking to them, even though we speak different languages. Richardson always comes in and asks me why I'm sitting in there and I tell him I'm talking to the patients and he's always so confused of how I'm talking to them, but usually at least one of them knows a little English. The staff here has become my family, the director and his wife are like my parents and the rest are like my brothers and sisters, it works well because they all call me sister becuase thats what you call nurses, so I now respond to sister.
The directors wife, Mrs. Abraham, loves me, which is good becuase she's high up, so really if anything went wrong with another staff member I could have them yelled at even if I was in the wrong, not that that would ever happen. Today she told me I shouldn't go home, just stay here and work, and I told her I would gladly if I wasn't 20,000 dollars in debt from my education. It would take a long time to pay that off if I only made 50-100 dollars a month. I had three goals in my life, one was to go to the opera, second was to go to Africa, and third was to become a nurse. I feel like I have reached all the goals I have set because I do everything the nurses do here. I'll have to start setting some new goals, ha. I have so much I could write, stories about a woman who had lost her husband, a child, so now she's a single mother with one child and is living with AIDS. Theres also another boy, 10 years old, TB and AIDS, his father was admitted also, I gave him bubbles and made him smile. A 40 year old mother who just found out she had AIDS and crys all the time now. Laxmi who has also lost a child and her husband and now is being taken care of by her sister. The laughs I have shared with them over trying to speak Kannada. The endless times I have walked away from the hospital hoping that the time away from it would go quickly. Countless hours I've spent during the night praying. The amount of love God has placed in my heart for this place and these people. Oh how I could go on.
But now I must go do nightly rounds so maybe I'll have a better post later :).

I miss and love you all!!!