Posted on Facebook on September 9th at 8:33am CST
So I saved a note I started writing but decided i didn't want to have to read it to find out what it said so I'm starting over :)
Have you ever been completely aware of your skin color? Until I came to India I really didn't understand how people view white people in third world countries, not that I was totally ignorant, I have just never worked so closely with people that view white people so highly.
Today was Eye Camp, where people who cant afford to get new lens' come and get new ones for free and the very first patient that came in was returning to make sure that eveything was alright from his previous surgery. I was just sitting there learning how to tell if they have cataracs and when he got up he was thanking the doctor and then came around and knelt at my feet and thanked me. I was so shocked that this elderly man was kneeling at my feet I didn't say anything. How am I suppose to serve in a community where they regaurd me as better than them, the closest I get to being a servant to this community is helping out with blood pressure and just being here and smiling at the patients. I am reading the gospels right now and I'm in Luke, whenever I come across the passage about the least becoming greatest I get frustrated because theres no way to become least in a society where they think so highly of me just because I'm white and am educated. Did you know that just by me being here working in the clinic it gets a higher standing because the government thinks, oh if I educated white person comes and learns here it must be a good place, which I'm glad that something good comes of this but its still frustrating. I dont know if I said this in the last note, but in the clinic they mainly help HIV patients, that means that everyone admitted who isn't in the family planning has to have HIV. This is mainly because no hospital in India, or around here anyway, will take them because of the fact they have HIV.
I'm pretty sure I had culture shock when I came here so I'm just now starting to have emotions towards all of this, before it was just learning the routine and getting used to things, but its starting to get harder. Like today during morning rounds I met one of the new patients that we have and his name is Sebatian which I can actually say and remember Praise the LORD. Anyways he was in a car accident and his left leg has a very long cut on it from the ancle to a little above the knee, he had to come to St. Lukes because he was HIV positive and no one would take him in.
So today he was walking from one place to another and it looked like he was having trouble so I asked him if I could help him, he knows a little english and he said No I'm an HIV patient like he was leathal to touch or something so I told him I didn't care but he just kept on saying no I'm an HIV patient. I think it was then when it really hit me how much society has drilled it into there heads that HIV is something that is so wrong to have, which in a country where you are shunned by your family and friends for having it I can see why they would think that, it was just heart breaking. Anyways he's grown to be one of my favorite patients and I've gotten to the point when I'm walking to work I can't wait to see all of them because I've grown so attached to the patients even though we have no way of really communticating but through body language. I'm beginning to feel like this place is going to be hard to leave.
So this past weekend I went to Gulbarga which was an adventure, its the closest city and man is it third world. When you walk out on the streets you feel like your going to get lung cancer from the polution your breathing in and the streets have cow manure all over them, I've never seen so many cows in a city before, theres people in nice cars and then when you look down a different street theres people coming from villages with two cows and a cart carrying what there selling. I dont really know how best to discribe it, I just know I am so glad God put me here and not there.
In Gulbarga there is an English medium school run by the Hindustani Covenant Church so we got to hang out there on saturday with the children and I got to meet two more swedish girls which was fun, everywhere i go I'm either surrounded by swedish people or Indians :) but it was great fun because the two girls go to SVF and actually came to North Park last semester with the exchange program, Jenny and Anika, it was really nice to hang out with them and the two girls I live with becuase Jenny and Anika lived in chicago and know the same people I do so that was a real bessing from God. Although I do wish he would send me someone who spoke english as there first language but I dont know if people like that have ever been in a 200 mile radius of where I am, I've only heard of swedish and europeans coming here and people always assume I'm European. That part is hard but I am glad I came alone because I'm more free to do what God wants me to do and not have to worry about the other person which sounds selfish but its not, I help the patients better because theres no one distracting me who I could have more that four word converstations with, besides the swedes but there usually in a different part. God is the only person who only speaks english with me, although sometimes I wonder if he's speaking in a different language and so thats why i dont understand him :).
Ah I have to go but there is so much more to write about, like tailoring school and site seeing (2 mosques and 1 buddist temple) but Anika and Jenny should be arriving shortly because its Johanna's birthday today and she's 24 so where celebrating! But I'll leave you with this, my greatest struggle is the fact that my faith isn't strong enough to heal the patients here, reading the gospels I have noticed how much Jesus says about if you just have a little faith you can do miricles, I dont even have a little faith because I am not performing any such things, maybe pray that my faith will be stretched while I'm here. I miss you and love you all and I hope that God is blessing you no matter where you are, sorry I haven't gotten back to some emails I will when I have more time!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Wow Sarah...so many things running through my head as I read this post. Thank you for sharing your heart and all that's going on in your thoughts on this journey. I had no idea you were going to be experiencing such a culture contrast. As you talked about struggling to be a servant in a culture who holds you in such high regard, I wondered to myself if Jesus experienced that? He had this whole crowd following Him around all the time to hear Him speak, to be healed by Him, to see His miracles, etc. (not like you have followers yet) But I bet Jesus had a hard time trying to be a humble servant when He was held in such high regard by the people. This all made me think of all that Romans 8 has to say, but specifically "sharing in His sufferings that we may also share in His glory". Next as you were talking about how the culture has drilled into the Indians that they are outcasts if they have AIDS, made me think of how Jesus touched those with afflictions that society rejected and healed them. Sounds like you are doing many wonderful things for the glory of God: being humble despite how they elevate you; loving the unlovely; touching the untouchable; doing what you can to heal those that their health care system has rejected. THIS IS AMAZING STUFF! And what "character building" you are experiencing going into this experience open to whatever God has for you. What a great little lump of clay you are for your Potter. ;o) I praise God for this opportunity He has given you, how He has prepared your heart. And I pray that He will use you mightily for His glory, protect and equip you to do His work. (ok...I'm done now. thanks for reading this L-O-N-G comment.)
ReplyDelete