I will lift my eyes

I will start out with a kind warning to all who read, many of the stories I am about to tell do not have happy endings, much like a series of unfortunate events (its a book series). The following stories deal with life, death, and the inbetween. If you are in a sad state yourself I would encourage you not to read because I wouldn't want to push you into further saddness, although the deep sorrow I feel for some of the people in the following stories might be less sad to people who have never seen them, so in conclusion read but know that it isn't happy.

Amilkumar came into St. Lukes three days ago to get treatment for his TB. He was coughing up blood and vomitting up whatever he ate because of the medicine he was taking. He also was born with AIDS, 99 percent of the time its the father going and having relations with a prostitute or sex slave with HIV that makes the mother and the child aquire it. So from the day he was concieved he was handed a death sentence for the sins of his father, no one lives more than 12 years after getting HIV in South India so I shouldn't have been suprised when I went to work this morning to find out he had died in the night. He was 9 and we had bonded over bubbles just the day before. He gave me great joy whenever I walked into the room to see him. I remember going into the ward and saying hello to the patients the first day he was here and seeing him and being filled with overflowing joy, he gave me the biggest smile and shook my hand and said hello. He was 9 but had the body of a dying 5 year old. As soon as I left the room I went straight to my house to get one of the bottles of bubbles that previous swedes had left there and brought it back to him. He covered his mouth when I came back and opened the bottle because he thought it was more medicine but once I showed him the bubbles he got so happy and I taught him how to blow bubbles, his mother was so greatful to the swedish girls and I for spending time with him and playing with him. I can't convey the depth of my sorrow when I found out he had died, the other girls didn't know and I didn't have enough strength to tell them while we were in the villages working. They leave tomorrow and their husbands are here to take them on the next leg of their journey so I waited until after lunch to tell them which was so freeing because we all just broke down and cried not just for Amilkumar but for all the suffering people we have seen in the past weeks, sometimes it becomes too much and you just have to give it all up to God because theres no way I could carry all of this on my own. I spent the remainder of the day in bed because I felt too weak to do anything, I still do but as good as it is to mourn you must keep going. My muscles ache and I'm on the verge of loosing it everytime I think of Amil, but God has put a song on my heart to get me through it and its "I will lift my eyes" by bebo norman. Heres some of the lyrics

I will lift my eyes to the Maker
Of the mountains I can't climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer
Of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer
Of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You
God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now

Sushila is a person I believe I have talked about before, but I decided that in order to know the depth of her sorrow the whole story must be told. She is from a part in Northern India were women used to jump into the fire burning their dead husbands body because it was pointless for them to be alive without their husbands, India has banned this but you can tell by their past that things are very much about the man and she is nothing without him. You must also know about her husband Mukesh who is sick with TB and AIDS and has a failing liver due to either heptitus B or drinking. During the summers the Males go to the cities to find work because it gets too hot here to work, I am infact in the hotest part of India. Often times the males, since they are without their wives, go to prostitutes, get HIV, then come home and give it to their wives. This is what happened to Sushila but she was asymptomatic so she had no idea she had anything wrong with her until her husband, Mukesh, came to St. Lukes. She started complaining of a fever when she was here with her husband so they decided to check to she if she also had HIV. She ended up having a CD4 count of 30 (should be 900-1000) and she also has TB and she's anemic. With all of this I understood why she would be so depressed, going from thinking you were fine to being in the process of dying. Then I sat in on a counseling session with her and mrs. abraham told me that she had lost both her children to AIDS, it was then that I realized that she had no hope. In India if you have no children, no husband, and AIDS its called being socially dead, so even if she was still alive she would die quickly from not having money to buy food or a house to live in. So its not if but when her husband dies she will follow after shortly, maybe not in the fire his body is burning in but you get the point. Woman and children are the mindless victims of mens foolish games.

The next story is a happy one, fairly shallow and fun! I bet youre going oh good, finally something happy!

Three days ago I got to help deliver a baby! I was walking around taking pictures and Pushpa the nurse came over to me and told me that the baby was coming so I ran to the room just in time to see her give birth! The baby was 2.4 kg and I got to clean it off, I took pictures of it before I cleaned it off though, it looked like cream cheese was spread on it, i cant remember the correct term for it, something like viseral cottage, i dont know. Anyways, it was so much better than watching birthing videos, those videos make it seem gross sometimes but in person its so beautiful. The mother didn't make a sound, I was actually making the most noise with all my excitement.

So there you go, three stories of Life, Death, and everything in between. Today is coming to an end an hopefully tomorrow will be a happier day.

Pray Requests
Amilkumars parents, I can't imagine having your only child die.
Sushila and her husband Mukesh, for healing
Dattu, he slipped into acoma last night
Me, strength to overcome the obsticals infront of my
Johanna and Ellen, for safety in the next part of their journey
St. Lukes, that it will be a place where the Unloved are loved and the outcasts find a place to belong.

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for me and what i ask, I love you all and miss you dearly!